


More than Memories

by Writers_clock



Series: Signed in Crimson: A Collection of Julethief One-Shots [5]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writers_clock/pseuds/Writers_clock
Summary: Carmen has nightmares about her time working for VILE.Luckily, Julia’s there to comfort her.Requests open.
Relationships: Julia "Jules" Argent/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Series: Signed in Crimson: A Collection of Julethief One-Shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131176
Comments: 15
Kudos: 69





	More than Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MusicallyPan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicallyPan/gifts).



> Writing hurt/comfort feeds my soul. Shoutout to MusicallyPan for requesting this!

_ Carmen could easily take them down. _

_ Whoever had trained those bluecoats clearly hadn’t done well. It took her, what, ten seconds to take down five agents? With their own weapons, no less. _

_ They were weak. _

_ They were cowards. _

_ She was power, she was skill, she was precision. She was the final tick of the clock. She was the reckoning. She was the storm. _

Carmen yanked herself from revisiting last nights dream. She was fine now, laying in bed, watching a movie. It was over. She could rest now. Her gaze drifted from whatever was happening on the screen of her laptop to the woman resting beside her.

When Carmen had apologized to Julia, she hadn’t expected tears. She hadn’t expected Julia to pull her close - closer than they’d ever been - and sob into her jacket. She almost felt guilty about the heartbreak Julia had endured, but Julia told her they hadn’t been together back then, that she was just happy Carmen was okay, and the never ending mantra;  _ that wasn’t you. _

But it  _ was  _ her.

Julia looked up. Even now, she looked beautiful; radiant, even. She smiled as she locked eyes with Carmen, gifting her a kiss. “Are you even watching the movie?” She asked, close enough that Carmen could feel the words against her cheek.

“No,” Carmen admitted, wrapping her arms around Julia, who giggled and pressed another kiss to her head. Here Carmen was safe; far from her worries, far from anyone who would do her harm.

Then again, if  _ she _ was the one harming Julia-

“It’s late,” Julia mused, shutting the computer. She maneuvered her way out of Carmen’s grip so that she could place the computer and her glasses on her nightstand. “We should go to bed.”

Julia curled back into Carmen’s arms. Here Carmen was loved. Here she was  _ trusted.  _ She and Julia had always trusted each other, from the start. All she needed was to trust herself.

“I love you,” Carmen murmured into the blankets, not moving her arms from around Julia. Julia shifted, and a hand enclosed itself around Carmen’s. “Goodnight, Jules.”

“Goodnight, Carmen,” Julia whispered back. Though she had been an insomniac nearly her entire life, Carmen found it easy to close her eyes now, and drift into the sweet release of sleep.

It’s sweetness didn’t last long, because soon she was  _ running,  _ she was running and she was  _ chasing something.  _ Rooftop to rooftop. They were never fast enough to stop her, they were never good enough, but still she ran.

She was the reckoning; she was the storm.

She had the final word.

And she was hurting Zack. And she was hurting Julia, and she was watching herself hurt Player, and Shadowsan, and Ivy, and Devineaux. And she watched herself smile.

_ Distance yourself from who that was,  _ Carmen instructed herself. She tried to close her eyes, tried to run, but how does one escape themselves? How could she distance herself if she  _ was  _ the villain?

The scene shifted, and suddenly Carmen couldn’t move. Tied up, she knew, but she couldn’t really discern how. In front of her stood the VILE faculty, including… including  _ Black Sheep. _

“Do you have the machine ready, Black Sheep?” Maelstrom asked. Carmen watched her younger self smile, pulling out the strange device. “Excellent.”

“You’ll have to kill me,” Carmen spat. “You’ll never get me again.” The  _ again  _ dimly confused her; somehow she  _ knew  _ that this wasn’t real, that she was  _ safe,  _ but her brain wasn’t registering it. The scene continued to play, as if it were a recording. None of the VILE faculty reacted to her words.

Black Sheep placed the device on her forehead. She started to glitch into the older VILE operative that Carmen had been, then as a child, then back to an adult. Carmen watched in horror as Black Sheep held up a gleaming golden necklace - a necklace she knew belonged to Julia.

_ “Carmen?”  _ A disembodied voice called out to her, and she felt herself shake.  _ “Carmen, wake up. Carmen!” _

Carmen bolted upright, ready to attack. It took a moment of disorientation before her eyes adjusted to the dim light. She looked around to discover that Julia had turned on the lamp at her bedside, and had put on her glasses. She looked concerned, one hand on Carmen’s arm.

“Are you okay?” Julia whispered. Carmen’s skin itched, and her breathing was unsteady.  _ Calm down. Calm down. Calm down,  _ she repeated in her head. “Breathe, Carmen.”

Julia rubbed slow circles on Carmen’s back. Carmen gasped, clutching the blankets harshly in her grip. It took her several moments to calm herself.  _ It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare. _

“I’m okay. I’m… I’m okay.” Nevermind the fact that her hands were shaking and she couldn’t really breathe. She shook her head. “I’m… not okay.”

Julia was hesitant. Unsure of what to do. Carmen could see it on her face. Still, she reached out, wrapping Carmen in her arms. “I know, Carmen,” she murmured. “I know.” Her steady breathing, and the comfort Carmen felt with Julia, slowed her breaths and calmed her. “Do you… need to talk?”

“Yeah, probably.” Carmen let out a breath. “I had a nightmare. It… was about… me being brainwashed.” Julia continued to comfort her, hands running through her hair. Quiet encouragement to keep going. “I was hurting you, and… and myself, and I  _ saw her.”  _ She buried her face in her hands at the memory. “She was terrifying.”

“I know, Carmen.” Julia took Carmen’s hands and kissed her forehead. “But she can’t hurt you, and… you’re not her.” Julia hesitated, struggling to find the right words. “I trust you. You would never hurt me.”

“But I  _ did,”  _ Carmen said, rubbing tears out of her eyes. “But that’s the thing, I  _ did,  _ and I hurt  _ everyone,  _ and I shouldn’t even be crying about this. I wasn’t even the one who got hurt.” She squeezed Julia’s hands, an apology on her tongue.

“You have every right to feel what you’re feeling,” Julia assured her quietly. “Don’t… feel bad for feeling bad. What they did to you was  _ horrible,  _ okay?” She pressed their forehead together as her thumbs gently stroked the top of Carmen’s hand. “And I’ll be here to stop that from ever happening again. VILE is gone.”

“I… I know,” Carmen whispered. “I just… I don’t want to… be that person. Or hurt you. Or drive you away, or have to isolate myself because-” 

_ -because deep down, I still have that evil within me. _

She cut herself off. The thought of that happening was too painful.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Carmen slowly laid back in bed as Julia cradled her. “You’re  _ good,  _ Carmen. I’ve always believed that and I always will.” Julia clicked the lights off and kissed the top of Carmen’s head.

“I love you, darling,” Carmen murmured.

“I love you too.”

And Carmen slept, dreamless.

**Author's Note:**

> I believe in hurt/comfort supremacy because it allows me to write both angst AND fluff.


End file.
